UK water companies run by witches and druids

ALMOST ALL of the UK’s water companies have admitted their use of dowsing rods, despite even 5 year olds knowing they’re utter bollocks.

The discovery was made by Sally Le Page, an evolutionary biologist at the University of Oxford, who published her findings in a Medium post.

Le Page asked 12 companies – 10 of which confessed to using divining rods,  essentially a form of superstition as backward as believing in God or the ‘withdrawal method’.

Bernard Hummings, a self-styled ‘Water Procurer’ from Yorkshire, said ‘This isn’t hocus pocus. It’s a tried-and-tested method. Give me my two rods and put me within 10 feet of a river and I’ll find it’.

Eseld Gwenol, an engineer from South West Water said, “It’s true we use the magic sticks to help us find water. But that be just one of the techniques we use. For example, there’s the Guy Fawkes method. We put a redhead in a wheelbarrow, douse her with petrol and throw lit fireworks at her. If she screams, there’s water nearby’.

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