Family of missing toff explorer disappointed he’s been found

THE FAMILY of British explorer, Benedict Allen, has been dismayed to uncover he’s been found alive and well.

The writer and documentary maker was trekking in the jungles of Papua New Guinea trying to reach the Yaifo tribe, having first made contact with them 30 years ago.

However, he failed to return from the trip raising hopes the selfish tosser was lost forever.

It is thought Allen, voted ‘One of the top 10 explorers of all time’ in a meaningless and toff-heavy Daily Telegraph poll, became lost after the sat-nav on his phone ‘went a bit funny’.

Allen is reported to have said to a friend, ‘I know I’m in the middle of the jungle but this is just ridiculous. Maps is shit’.

This is not the first time Allen has experienced problems with technology on an expedition. In 2013, he disappeared whilst on a trip to IKEA in Bromley.

The explorer was found 11 days later, malnourished and with a massive straggly beard. He said, ‘Before I left home I got the most recent update on my iPhone. Since then, for some strange reason, the battery says it’s 100% charged but runs out in about 10 minutes. It’s like they’re trying to get me to buy a new phone or something’.

 

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